We Watch: In TV Shocker, Bachelor Couple Will Not Marry After All

I, for one, did not see this coming. From People, the sad news that Lame Head Andy and Too Good For This Tessa are taking some time to evaluate their relationship, aka Step 1 in the Squeezing Out Two More Minutes of Fame Through a Gradual Public Break Up dance.

Best line in the People story: they’ve broken their engagement, but not their bond

That is so gag-me. How gag-me? Every proana site in the world now has this at the top of their thinspirations puking tips.

Also, nice angle on that photo of Tessa’s ass, ABC. I’m sure she offers thanks to you daily for making that the show’s final publicity shot while she surfs House of Thin and Starving for Perfection.

The Best Part-time Job Ever: DWTS

Some idiot “stars” (yeah, they’re all sorta idiots, but this is even more dumb than usual so bear with me) complained about the pay scale for Dancing With The Stars. That’s crazy! This gig has corporate life – not to mention McDonald’s – beat in pretty much every dimension. Starting with the salary: For the first two weeks of season 3, the (otherwise unemployed) B/C/D-listers received $125k.

Yes, $125-zero-zero-zero. Just for hanging out with cute, very fit, long limbed people who teach them to dance. Not to edit excel spreadsheets or smelt iron or flip burgers. To dance. In cute costumes designed specifically to flatter their bodies. Plus these exhibitionist attention freaks get to do it all on TV for millions of viewers.

Each subsequent week they get “about another $20k” with the potential for a $50k bonus if there is a recap show, which is always. I’m no math genius, so it’s fortunate that reality blurred added it up for us: $245k for eight weeks of work.

As an employee of the Knickerbocker Bank, I can tell you with complete confidence that there are MUCH worse ways to earn a buck. Someone needs to shut up and be grateful.

DWTS is still totally my favorite show. Mel B./Scary Spice is going to kick everyone’s ass this season, especially if she dances with Dream Date Maks. Who I love. Plus, she might have her lawyer, the magnificently coiffed Gloria Allred in the audience. Now that’s entertainment.